If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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