I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
