Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
