Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
