Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
