he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
