he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
