I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
