The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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