sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
