Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
