none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
