Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
