i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
