i already hear my dad disowning me
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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