his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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