you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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