You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
