I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I could fuck to npr.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
