My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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