words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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