You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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