My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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