but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
