This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
