It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
