im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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