oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
