I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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