I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
