It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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