I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
