An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
smell my finger.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
