I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
