My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
