I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
