Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
