whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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