Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
