Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
