ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
What a dumb baby whore.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
