i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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