I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
is wine microwaveable?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
