I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
