barbara walters just said penis...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
