Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
