you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
