Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
