So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
