Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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