She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
