yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
