Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
