This is not my ceiling
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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